It's still not too late to request things for the commentary meme - I'll take at least 2 more requests before my common sense kicks in.
In the meantime, have a commentary ;)
Hokay. Commentary's in pink, in honour of miss_zedem, who always betas in pink, and for whom this story was written. darththalia requested the commentary, and I know your main interest is pretty much Hugh, so I've stayed with the character and plot decisions for the most part. Stylistically, it's pretty bare, even for me, so I honestly couldn't think of anything to say about that!
The original story is here if you want to read that first. I suspect it will work better that wayTitle:
The ever-patient crystalshard
, who pointed out that miss_zedem
Hugh" and helped me get there.This is important. I dug out the first copy I sent for beta, which had the following comment that I hope Chrys doesn't mind my repeating in full:
"I like this a lot, it's very visual. However, I think you're missing out on, yes, the below-the-surface emotions. I got the impression that this was supposed to be Jack/Hugh, not Jack-and-Hugh-friendship. You might want to spice it up by showing Jack's attraction to Hugh a bit more, and possibly have Jack notice that Hugh is a little bit attracted to him. I can't believe that Jack 'anything with a pulse' Harkness wouldn't be attracted, even if he knew he'd never act on it."
"It's very visual but lacks depth" could be the definition of much of my fic, at least before Z and Chrys get hold of it. I absolutely rely on them to help me, because I *see* stories, I don't live them. I write by watching the video in my head and writing down what I see, which, added to my horror of melodrama and over-emoting and a natural tendency to turn the characters into teenage girls when I try, means that below-the-surface emotion has been something I've had to learn to write.Summary:
Just a friendly game of snooker, but when it's Jack playing, anything can happen.A/N:
Written for miss_zedem
who requested Jack/Hugh. This is as close as I'm going to get! Technically, I guess this is a missing scene from "The Waiting Years", but it stands pretty well alone as well. ( SnookeredCollapse )